I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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