I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I sprained my soul last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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