I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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