We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
