I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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