just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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