I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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