i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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