sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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