I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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