in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
