i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
