I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
