see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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