sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??