saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
