I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?