I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.