I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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