U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.