Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.