Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Drunk is not a location!