Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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(313): It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight http://tfl.nu/fbzk

Replies (1) Good night (1766) Bad night (1748)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm in love

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(484): I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue (484): I'm in love http://tfl.nu/im8q

Replies (5) Good night (3648) Bad night (633)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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(501): i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there http://tfl.nu/kuz7

Replies (17) Good night (4940) Bad night (771)
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(817): View more from Texas

she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'

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(817): she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!' http://tfl.nu/lcp1

Replies (14) Good night (5096) Bad night (1065)
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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v

Replies (15) Good night (4291) Bad night (774)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

(1-440): View more from Ohio

please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

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(440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk

Replies (78) Good night (6638) Bad night (7142)
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(316): View more from Kansas

Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.

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(316): Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth. http://tfl.nu/ew3b

Replies (8) Good night (1134) Bad night (3591)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me

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(504): open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me http://tfl.nu/k62l

Replies (1) Good night (2410) Bad night (1064)
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(208): View more from Idaho

if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.

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(208): if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that. http://tfl.nu/41po

Replies (3) Good night (2258) Bad night (844)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?

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(304): She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life? http://tfl.nu/58z3

Replies (12) Good night (2301) Bad night (580)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.

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(612): It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab. http://tfl.nu/z2cq

Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (653)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.

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(704): I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave. http://tfl.nu/v72z

Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (391)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.

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(651): I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant. (715): I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40. http://tfl.nu/ewh2

Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (542)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.

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(205): I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again. http://tfl.nu/ogwa

Replies (9) Good night (1156) Bad night (603)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.

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(702): I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way. http://tfl.nu/vsfa

Replies (3) Good night (498) Bad night (355)

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