Texts From Last Night

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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death

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  (563): I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death http://tfl.nu/f03y
  Replies (6) Good night (2318) Bad night (626)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

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  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
  Replies (15) Good night (1192) Bad night (4830)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.

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  (913): I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week. http://tfl.nu/re6m
  Replies (15) Good night (3710) Bad night (1092)
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  (909): View more from California

  i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...

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  (909): i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here... http://tfl.nu/2c0q
  Replies (10) Good night (3956) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

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  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5620) Bad night (1326)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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  (303): you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you http://tfl.nu/wspo
  Replies (15) Good night (5427) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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  (712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3752) Bad night (980)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
  Replies (13) Good night (5374) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.

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  (617): Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex. http://tfl.nu/9jjl
  Replies (4) Good night (4078) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

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  (847): I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/xqx5
  Replies (12) Good night (1780) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.

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  (434): We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them. http://tfl.nu/odfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1150) Bad night (479)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?

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  (404): When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012? http://tfl.nu/cat9
  Replies (12) Good night (1714) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing

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  (312): Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing http://tfl.nu/oxks
  Replies (8) Good night (1313) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?

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  (714): Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber? http://tfl.nu/78qv
  Replies (14) Good night (918) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?

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  (408): Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday? http://tfl.nu/7wzv
  Replies (3) Good night (287) Bad night (593)

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