good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
