You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.