i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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