you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
