im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
