Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I smell stomach acid.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
