i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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