i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
