Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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