I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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