You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
