Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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