After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize