It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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