I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
