she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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