Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
