pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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