Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
