And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
