How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
