Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
