Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.