i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE