Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?