ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.