By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
