he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
