dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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