i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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