Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
