nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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