i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
