apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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