if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
