her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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