I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
