the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
