its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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