My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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