When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
