Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
