If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
