ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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