and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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