yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
