after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
