Too much gin, very little bucket
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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