its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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