PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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