That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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