Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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