he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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