Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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