I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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