i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
