thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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