Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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