My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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