It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
