The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
