Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
