my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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