girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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