at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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