so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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