You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
