I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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