i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
