PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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