I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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