How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dignity is for republicans.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
