Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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