kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
