I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
