I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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