Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
