Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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