She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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