he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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