Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
